Never's baby
by Pandora Anne
Summary: Set after 'Chosen', Buffy dreams of the future denied to her in 'I will remember you' from season one of Angel and decides to confront Angel about it. COMPLETE, finally.
1. Once upon a dream

1

Buffy stood on the balcony overlooking the sea, caressing her large pregnant belly. She raised her head; eyes closed and felt the early morning breeze wash over her skin. Her pregnancy hadn't put a damper on her Slayer skills and she sensed someone coming up behind her. She went on alert and relaxed only when she felt Angel wrap his arms around her and rest his hands on top of hers on her belly.

"I still don't know why you don't want to name her Anne" he said, his breath slide over the back of her neck and she shivered in pleasure.

"Because the only time I've ever seen the name Anne was in some history movie or on my headstone."

"Well, I like it" he said, pouting a little. Buffy smiled, even though he was over two hundred years old, her husband could still act like a stubborn child.

"Yes, but lets not forget, you also like Bernice and Gertrude."

"So?" Buffy laid her hand against Angel's cheek.

"Oh, you poor dear." Despite his faults, her husband was, after all, only human. She could feel one of the sharp, strong kicks that had been peppering her stomach for months now, and it instilled in her a deep feeling of love and perfect happiness.

"I love you" she whispered, "I know it sounds stupid after all we've been through, but I do."

"I love you too and it's not stupid, the truth is never stupid." Buffy smiled but her smile quickly turned into a grimace, the pain in her belly was suddenly almost unbearable. Angel, behind her, noticed the change in her demeanor.

"Buffy, what's wrong?" His concern for her was palpable, washing over her like a wave. She turned to face her husband, tears of joy and pain in her eyes.

"Angel, I think I'm in labor"

2

Buffy woke up in her bed, sweat coursing down her body, fear visible in every line of her face. She ran a hand down her smooth, toned and decidedly non-pregnant stomach. Drawing her knees up to her chest, the Slayer rested her head against them, attempting to clear her mind of her dream. 'It's not real' she told herself, 'It's just a dream'. But still she couldn't shake the feeling of deja-vu that surrounded her, choking her like a shroud. Being a Slayer, Buffy was connected to powerful visions and dreams. Not all of her dreams were prophetic, but those that were usually carried the same air as the dream she had just had. Keeping her legs still tightly curled against her chest, in the fetal position, Buffy lay back down. Before her head hit the pillow though, she knew there was only one way to solve her puzzled mind, she had to go to L.A, to Angel.


	2. You can never take it back

"Will, are you sure you can do this?" Buffy asked her best friend, shoving clothes into a suitcase. Her eyes didn't register which clothes she was grabbing; all she knew was that she had to see Angel.

"Sure, Buff, but don't you think you might be over-reacting?" There was worry in the witch's eyes; she examined her friend's frantic packing, working to keep Buffy calm. Buffy had called her an hour ago, nearly in tears, and Willow had rushed over. Luckily she had been in the neighborhood, overseeing the magical part of the new Slayers training and had been able to be with Buffy quickly.

"Look, Buffy, it was just a dream. It doesn't have to mean anything." The redheaded witch attempted once more to calm her friend down. Buffy just kept packing.

"Will, it wasn't just a dream, it was_ my _dream. I'm _the Slayer_, connected to the prophetic dreams and all, remember?"

"Of course I do Buffy, but that doesn't mean all your dreams are prophetic. I mean, last week you had a dream that you were being chased by a giant piece of cheese."

"I know, Will, but . . . . ." The Slayer faltered and searchingly, gazed into her best friend's eyes. Her eyes were burning with frantic panic, the ever present fear and pride that came from being the Slayer and just a touch of hope. Buffy looked down quickly but Willow had already realized with a jolt what was spurring her on, what was fueling her flame. Buffy's hands were a blur as she kept pushing clothes into her overstuffed suitcase.

"Buffy, he's dead, Spike's dead and he's not coming back" Buffy faltered, visibly shaken. She shook her head resolutely.

"I don't know what you're talking about" Willow laid a hand on her friend's arm and Buffy was still.

"Yes, you do. You haven't been the same since . . . . since Spike destroyed Sunnydale. But you have to accept that Spike's not coming back and running off to see Angel in L.A because of some baseless dream, just in the hopes that somehow Spike survived, somehow made it out of Sunnydale and somehow made his way to Angel is insane, Buffy." Once again, Buffy looked at her friend, this time her eyes were brimming over with ill-contained tears.

"I know that he's gone Willow, I know that he's dead. I see it every night when I'm trying to sleep. But I need to know that Angel is alright, I haven't seen him since the night I killed Caleb. I just . . . . . I lost one of the men I loved; I need to make sure I haven't lost both of them." Willow searched her friend's face, before making up her mind.

"If you're going, I'm going with you"

"Me too" came a voice from the doorway. The friends turned and there was Dawn, standing in Buffy's doorway, still wearing her Minnie Mouse pajamas, arms crossed defiantly over her chest.

"Dawnie, you can't, you have school and . . . ." Buffy trailed off weakly. The Slayer's younger sister stepped into the room and walked up to Buffy, looking down at her from her slight height advantage.

"And nothing. I'm coming" Buffy sighed, giving in quickly, not wanting to fight.

"Fine, but if you fail, you're going to summer school."

"Deal" Dawn bounced up on her toes and with a flip of her hair, turned to leave. Pausing at the doorway once again, she turned and said;

"You know you're crazy, right?"

"Of course." Buffy replied.

"Good" Dawn smiled softly, painfully "I loved him too, Buffy."


	3. Let me tell you a story

3

Angel sat in his dark and silent office, with his head in his hands, gently massaging his temples. It had been a difficult day, just like all the others. A familiar scent drifted towards his sensitive nose and he raised his head, eyes wide open now. _No, it couldn't be_, he thought to himself. Before he could react, the doors to his office flew and Buffy stormed in. The air around her crackled with anger and fury and Angel involuntarily flinched backwards, he hadn't seen Buffy angry in awhile but he knew her anger was almost always justified. Mentally, he ran down the list of things he had done that could get her so angry. _Spike, _he thought, _that twerp Andrew must have told her about Spike._

"What aren't you telling me?" she asked. Angel's mind wasn't catching up to his mouth and he said;

"What?" Buffy quickly crossed the room and stopped a few feet away from her first love, not trusting herself to go any closer. If she did, there were two distinct situations running through her head. The first; she would collapse, crying into his arms, begging him to tell her what he knew or the second; she would plunge a large piece of wood into his unbeating heart, neither appealed to her so she stayed her distance. She repeated her question slowly, as though speaking with a toddler, not a man who could have her grandfather four times over.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"Buffy, I don't understand"

"Oh, that means share time for Buffy. Sit down and let me tell you a story" Buffy glared at the vampire with a soul, and he backed up, not willing to take his eyes off Buffy, until he reached his chair. Buffy started to pace in front of Angel's desk.

"Where to start?" she asked herself, "Oh, I know. So, once upon a time, there was this pretty little girl, who by some weird twist of fate became the Slayer. Now after burning down her school's gym, she, her mom and her little sister moved to a quaint little town called Sunnydale, which just so happened to be sitting on top of a giant gaping Hellmouth. She quickly met her Watcher and two new friends, but that wasn't enough, was it? She had to go and fall in love, and not with any normal Joe, she fell in love in with a big, bad, albeit gorgeous vampire. Oh but not to worry, this vampire had himself a nice, painful soul. So, after exhausting the Romeo and Juliet scenario, they decided to consummate their relationship. Big mistake, the Slayer's nice, loving vampire with a soul turned into crazy, homicidal Big Bad. So what could the Slayer do but kill the love of her life? And she did, but not before his soul was restored. But by then it was too late, so she had to send him to hell, sending a big chunk of her heart with him. After a while, the Slayer started to move on with her life, even dating someone else, but what do you know, Lover Boy comes back into the picture. But they couldn't be together, despite the raging hormones and nearly uncontrollable urges, because now their's was simply a _business _relationship. Then Lover Boy decides that he can't be with the Slayer anymore because it's just _too hard._ So after breaking up with her and helping her avert yet another apocalypse, he leaves her without even a good-bye. So they spend some time apart, neither one really benefiting from their new situation, until the Slayer finds out her lover has been spying on her, so she goes to see him in his new home in L.A, seeking answers." Here, Angel looked down, unable to stop the memories from flowing back. _Does she know? No, she can't._

"So after an extremely pointless encounter, the Slayer returns to Sunnydale and starts a new life. College, a new boyfriend, fighting demons, you know the usual. But then of course, this boyfriend runs out on her too. Now if that wasn't enough, her long time enemy reveals he's in love with her _and then_, and this is just the icing on the cake, _she dies!_ But or course, in Sunnydale, no one stays dead, so she comes back. In an effort to prove that she is still the person she used to be, she starts sleeping with her enemy, who by the way is another vampire except this one doesn't have a soul, only a chip in his head to stop him from hurting humans." Angel squirmed at the mention of Buffy sleeping with Spike; Buffy ignored him and went on.

"In essence, this girl is just using the vampire and when she tells him this, he runs off and gets his soul for her, but not before trying to rape her. After a painful and extremely tumultuous year, the girl realizes that despite all their history, she loves this vampire. So she tells him and guess what? He dies, a very brave, heroic death, but a death none the less. So that's my story, but due to some odd dreams I've been having lately concerning me pregnant by you, my human husband, I've come to realize that it might not be the whole story." Angel broke in finally, sensing the end of her rambling. He knew she'd needed to get this off her chest since the day they met.

"You were pregnant?" he asked, incredulous.

"Yeah, well that or I had a giant tumor that we were picking out names for." Buffy deflated, the anger all but gone, she was instead a sad, little girl wanting the truth. "Angel, please." Angel gave in.

"You're right; it's not the whole story. When you came to see me in L.A after I was spying on you, I didn't kill the Morha demon the first time."

"What do you mean, the first time?"

Angel sighed, expecting the worst, but not expecting what did happen. Before he could answer his large office doors flew open again and there was no mistaking the smooth, British accented voice that wafted in, followed by the equally unmistakable bleached blonde hair that could only belong to one man or rather one vampire.

"Hey Boss, man, I was wondering if you had any of those . . . . . . Buffy?" Spike's face was swarmed with a million emotions, fear, hope, lust, love and just a hint of nausea among others. Buffy, unable to comprehend what she was seeing, looked at Angel in disbelief before looking at Spike and back again.

"What the _hell_ is going on here?" The words exploded out of her and both vampires attempted to explain at once.

"Look, Buffy, I can explain . . . ." Angel started.

"Listen, Buffy, funny story . . . . ." Spike cut him off. Buffy raised her hands to silence them both.

"Never mind, I don't want to be lied to anymore, I'll find out by myself" She spun around and headed to the doors, pausing, she said to Angel;

"We were having a girl. A baby girl, you wanted to name her Anne" Without waiting for his answer, she left the office, leaving the two vampires who loved her, staring after her. Spike turned to Angel, disbelief evident on his face.

"What did you do?"


	4. Never forget

4

After leaving Angel's office, Buffy returned to the hotel she, Dawn and Willow were staying at and fed them an excuse about having a headache. She handed Dawn a twenty to go see a movie with Willow and although both gave her an odd look, she didn't share her encounter with them; she needed some time to think. An hour later, Buffy was staring at the blank television screen nailed to the table in front of her bed. There was a knock at her door, and she called out without thinking;

"Come in" The door slid open, slowed by the carpeted floor. Spike stood in the doorway, the light from a nearby lamp reflecting of his brilliant white hair, creating the illusion of a halo. Buffy shook her head.

"Spike"

"Hello, luv, can I come in?"

"I invited you in, Spike, unthinkingly but I invited you in, you don't need my permission" Spike lowered his head and looked at her in that special way he had.

"I don't need it, I want it" Buffy sighed,

"You can come in, Spike" The blonde vampire entered the room and sat next to Buffy on the bed, not too close though, he didn't want to invoke her anger again. There was no anger in her dejected pose, her shoulders slumped and her eye shone bright with unshed tears, this was one Slayer who didn't want a fight. She lifted her eyes to his and burnt into them, searching his soul for the answer she so desperately wanted.

"Spike . . . . why didn't you tell me?" He could never hide anything from her and this time was no different.

"I wanted you to have a normal life and you couldn't have that with me always in the background."

"Spike, I'm the Slayer, I'll never have a normal life."

"But you're not the only Slayer anymore which should give you some measure of normality and I didn't want to steal that from you. I wanted you to be able to do everything people your age do, go to school, go on picnics, go to the beach, go on. ." Spike's voice broke, but he kept going, forcing himself. "Dates, with normal, non-demon guys"

"Spike, you know me, I could never date a normal guy. Plus you know what they say; 'Once you go vamp, you never go back'" Spike looked up at the Slayer, _his _Slayer; there was a sad smile on her face. She could feel his despair and misery and despite her own depression, she tried to make him feel better. His answering smile was fleeting. There really was only one reason behind his silence on the subject of his rebirth; _he loved her_. It was the reason behind most of his actions concerning Buffy.

"You know what I mean, luv" he said softly. His words held a trace of something else, words held back, Buffy's delicate Slayer senses picked up on it and her anger flared briefly back to the surface.

"Was there another reason?" she asked. _Oh well_, Spike thought, _as long as I'm baring my soul I might as well do it completely._

"I couldn't . . . . I didn't want you to take it back" He hung his head in shame, unable to look into her wide, innocent eyes, hating how pathetic he sounded.

"Take what back?"

"In the cave, before I . . . before everything was destroyed, you told me that you loved me"

"I remember" And did she ever, it was the one thing that comforted her on those long, sleepless nights; that he had gone to his death knowing how she felt, even if he hadn't accepted her declaration of love.

"I didn't want you to find out about my re-incarnation if that's what you want to call it and get so angry, you would tell me that I meant nothing to you, that you were just using me." Buffy was appalled.

"Spike, I wouldn't do that"

"You did it before." With a shock, Buffy realized what he meant. Back when she had been sleeping with him, she had taken advantage of his feelings to make her feel better about herself, had used him and had told him as much. She leaned over and kissed Spike gently on the cheek and he looked up at her. His eyes wide and innocent, like the little boy he used to be.

"I love you" she told him, sincerity ringing in every syllable, he couldn't dispute it this time.

"I know" he said, smiling. Exhaling loudly, Spike stood up to leave, breaking the spell.

"I . . . we. . . . ." Buffy interrupted him.

"Spike, can you stay here tonight?" His face broke out into unmistakable joy, before he could cover it with a mask of indifference.

"I'll have to check my schedule, I might have previous plans" Buffy grinned, grabbed the front of his black leather duster and pulled him back down next to her.

"Break them"

To be continued . . .


	5. It depends

5

Buffy swam in the murky depths of unconsciousness before emerging into a dream. She was lying in bed with Angel, they had food scattered all over the bed and were dozing in each other's arms. Buffy gazed sleepily at Angel and spoke softly.

"Angel, are you awake?"

"That depends" Angel's voice was marred with sleep but definitely awake, and he kept his eyes closed

"Depends on what?"

"On what you want" Buffy propped her head up on her hand and stared at Angel.

"Elaborate" Buffy began drawing designs with her finger on Angel's chest, feeling the warmth of his skin and the steady thump of his heartbeat.

"Well, see if you want me to be awake just to talk, well, then I'm asleep but if you want me to be awake so we can. . . . . do other stuff, then I'm wide awake." Buffy pressed her hand against Angel's chest and pushed him. Her Slayer strength gave her push a little more bite and Angel flinched.

"Right, I have to get used to restraining myself around you now." Angel's eyes flew open and he examined her face.

"I don't want you to have to change yourself for me, just because I'm human, now."

"Angel, everything's going to change because you're human now."

"But I don't want it to." Angel's tone came out a little whiny, but Buffy understood what he meant.

"I do. Let's face it, Angel, my life has pretty much been crap up to now and I know this wasn't expected but it's not unwanted."

"You're right, Buffy, let's just work this out as we go." Angel smiled and closed his eyes once more. Buffy giggled, a sound out of place in such a well-worn fighter.

"What are you doing?"

"I told you, if you just want to talk, then I'm asleep" Buffy leaned over and kissed Angel deeply.

"What makes you think I just want to talk?"

Buffy woke up with a shock, ensconced in Spike's cold arms and she knew. She knew everything. A sound came from the other side of the room and Buffy scanned the room quickly. One shape stood out from the surrounding shadows.

"Angel" Buffy breathed, suddenly aware of where she was and who she was with.

"How did you get in?" Angel moved out of the shadows but not out of the dark and Buffy realized that only in her dreams was he ever in the light.

"Willow let me in."

"Oh God, Willow and Dawn . . . . ." Buffy tried to sit up but Spike's arms kept her stuck to the bed.

"Don't worry, I briefed them on the situation, they got another room. They aren't mad" They were both silent and the silence stretched on, as impenetrable as the night itself.

"You know, don't you? About that day, with the Morha demon?" Buffy shook her head, tears in her eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Angel shoved his hands into his pockets and sat on the edge of the bed. The differences between the two vampires now currently next to her were numerous, their hair color, their eye color, their body shape. Pretty much the only thing they had in common was the love they shared for her and the love she in turn felt for them. They love she felt for Angel and the love she felt for Spike were two completely separate feelings, but neither one nor the other was stronger than the other. Angel was her first love and Spike was her last. She knew that now, just as clearly that she knew what had happened to her and Angel when she had come to L.A, but she also knew she had to choose between the two, she just didn't know which she would choose.

"I felt that you didn't need that burden, that you would be better off not knowing." Buffy laughed quietly, so as not to wake Spike.

"You know despite all your differences, at your core, you and Spike are very similar." Angel let that one slide and his brow creased suddenly, as if in pain.

"You love him, don't you?" he said motioning to Spike's sleeping form.

"I do." The pain was back in Angel's face before he could smooth it away.

"But I love you too, Angel" Her first love gazed into Buffy's eyes, unconsciously pleading her to choose him, love him more.

"Who do you want to be with?" he asked, unable to cover the break in his voice.

"Honestly, I don't know." Despite his obvious pain, Angel managed to smile.

"Are you cookies, yet?" Buffy's answering smile was warm and filled with a silent humor.

"Not yet, can you give me a little longer before slipping on the oven mitts?"

"Sure" Angel's tone was resolute and he stood up to walk over to the door. He turned back before leaving.

"I love you, you know that, right?" When Buffy nodded, he added;

"And I'll wait for you, forever if that's what it takes" Sliding back into the shadows, Angel left. Spike stirred next to Buffy and half-woke.

"Buffy, was someone here?" Buffy smiled at the blonde vampire and pushed a lock of his hair off his forehead.

"Just a ghost" Spike settled back into sleep and Buffy's smile faded, leaving her with a full mind and a heart to match.

To be continued .. . . .


	6. Far beyond the lines

6

Buffy sat curled up in the armchair placed in the corner of her hotel room, clutching a steaming hot cup of coffee, with both hands, feeling the warmth spreading throughout her. The muffled sounds of the shower came from behind the closed bathroom door. Even though he had been alive for more than a hundred years, he still kept his basic grooming skills intact and for that Buffy was eternally grateful, she had seen, and smelled, too many vampires who had decided that when their souls fled, so should their good grooming skills. Buffy could fell the dull ache that had been in heart ever since she had first said goodbye to Angel and had slowly increased with every love she had lost, but she was glad to be alone. She had a lot of things to think about.

_I love Angel, _she thought. _But I love Spike too._

_Angel was my first love._

_But I can't be with him without risking him losing his soul._

_Can I be with Spike and not miss Angel?_

_Can I be with Angel and not miss Spike?_

_Would I be better alone?_ The last thought, she quickly shook from her head. She had a billion thoughts buzzing around in her head but exhaustion quickly overcame her and she fell asleep with her head resting against her chin.

_The dream came quickly and unbidden. She was in a sewer tunnel, standing behind a large green demon, dressed in red. Chinese type armor that she recognized with a shock. The Morha demon. In front of the demon, Spike and Angel stood shoulder to shoulder, each clutching a sword and in attack position. Before Buffy, Angel or Spike could react; the demon lunged forward and unsheathed a hidden sword. In a nanosecond, his blade sliced through the air and through Angel and Spike, they both fell to the ground in a heap and Buffy screamed. Then the demon turned his unforgiving eyes on the Slayer._

A cold hand on her shoulder woke her and she sprung to her feet, nearly spilling her coffee. Spike gazed at her, his cobalt eyes sparkling with worry. He was dressed only a towel, and his white blonde hair glistened wetly, it was obvious he had just come out of the shower.

"Buffy, what's wrong?" Buffy wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. Only his vampire strength kept him from being suffocated.

"Whoa, luv, be careful, this towel isn't glued on" Buffy moved back, eyes glittering with tears.

"We need to talk to Angel, something's coming." Spike's eyes narrowed and his chin tightened. She knew this look, just as well as well as all his other looks; he was preparing himself for a fight.

"I'm guessing it's not good."

"It's never good."


	7. Alone

7

Buffy finished her story and gazed expectantly into the faces of Spike, Angel, Willow and Dawn. She had finally touched bases with her sister and best friend and had had to dodge their expectant glances ever since the meeting started.

"So, you're sure it's the Morha demon? I mean technically, you only saw him for a few seconds." Angel asked, pacing nervously.

"I'm sure." Buffy said, her eyes following his every move.

"And when he killed Angel and me, we just collapsed? No poof?" Spike asked, various emotions fighting for control of his face.

"No poof" Buffy confirmed. On her left, Dawn squirmed uncomfortably and broke in.

"Okay, I get that there's _yet_ another evil to contend with, but I still don't understand the whole situation about Buffy visiting Angel in L.A that time."

"Yeah, me neither" Willow added, looking confused.

"All you said when you came back was that nothing much happened, you didn't mention anything about any extra-curricular activities with Angel" Spike, too, looked at Buffy, curiosity blazing in his eyes, but unwilling to say anything.

"Well, long story short, I went to L.A, got attacked by a demon, Angel's blood mixed with the demon before he could kill it, the blood turned him human, we were. . . ." here she paused, Spike had turned away, unwillingly to hear all the gory details of her and Angel's relationship, Buffy continued.

"We were together for a while, until the demon came back, Angel went to face it, as a human, I saved him, he went to The Powers That Be to see what our relationship had in store, they told him I would die if he stayed human so he asked them to turn him back which they did but they only way they could was to turn time back, make it so we had the day back and only Angel would remember what happened."

"But how did you suddenly remember?" Willow asked.

"Well, I had a dream" Buffy admitted.

"Wait, when did you have this dream?" Spike asked, looking at her once again, Buffy looked down before answering.

"Last night."

"Last night?" Spike stood up and looked down at Buffy.

"Last night? You had a dream about Angel while you were sleeping with me?" Now Dawn stood up.

"You slept with Spike?"

"Well, I didn't _sleep_ with, I _slept _with him"

"Oh thanks for cheering that up" Dawn added sarcastically.

"Nothing happened, we just slept"

"Apparently something did happen, if you were dreaming about Angel cakes. I guess after all this; Forehead still has the upper hand." Without another word, Spike strode from the room and Buffy stared helplessly after him. Angel noticed the look on her face and said softly;

"Go after, he needs you more than I do right now, we'll talk later" Buffy smiled in gratitude and hurried after the blonde vampire.

A few hours later found Buffy walking the streets alone, a dark shadow separated from the others and moved to join her. Quickly, her Slayer senses went on alert and she whipped out her stake and positioned herself. Her pursuers face caught the light from a nearby streetlight and Buffy saw that it was only Angel.

"Hey" she said, pocketing the stake.

"Hey, how did it go with Spike?" Angel shoved his hands into his pockets and carefully matched Buffy's stride.

"Fine, I think his ego was just bruised. All his life, he's always been, I guess you could say, playing second fiddle to you and it was all just a little too much. He's fine now; he was watching TV when I left." Buffy exhaled loudly.

"This isn't going to be easy is it?"

"Love never is, if it was it wouldn't be worth having." Turning his head, he noticed something and started to steer Buffy towards it.

"Hey, come here, there's something I want to show you." Buffy went willingly as Angel pushed open a heavy steel door. A blast of cold air blew into her face, disrupting the pleasant warmth of L.A's streets. It took her a second to realize where she was, but when she did, she was shocked.

"An ice rink?" and it was indeed, the large oval of ice stretched out in front of her, seemingly unending, with giant bleachers surrounding it on both sides. Angel smiled, enjoying her reaction.

"Do you remember?"

"Of course I do" Years ago, when they had first started dating, Buffy had confided in Angel that she had wanted to be an ice skater and he had taken her to a rink as a sort of a date. Of course, their night had been marred by a demon attack, but then what was a night without one? But Buffy remembered it as being the first time she had seen past Angel's demon face and seen what he really was, a lonely soul, yearning to be loved.

"What are we doing here?" Buffy asked, amazed.

"I know the owner" He motioned with his head, "Come on, let's get you some skates". After finding a pair for each of them, they strapped them on and stumbled onto the ice, giggling. Once they had circled the ice a few times without falling, Angel said;

"So about this whole choice thing . . . ." Buffy cut him off quickly.

"Let's not, Angel, this is perfect, just like this." Her hand slid down to meet his and clasped it tightly.

"Let's not ruin the moment" Angel obliged, seeming happy just to be with her.

Buffy crawled into bed that night, alone. Spike had left, probably thinking she needed some time to herself. As the realization of the enormity of the decision she had to make finally sunk in, Buffy started to cry, knowing that her heart, along with someone else's, would break no matter what she did. Her door creaked open softly and was closed just as quietly. There was a dip in the bed as someone crawled in next to her.

"Buff?" came Willow's voice.

"Hey, Willow" Buffy replied, her voice cracking.

"I have a feeling you need a friend right now."

"A little bit" Willow placed her hand on Buffy's shoulder, the warmth calming her down. The door creaked open once again and Dawn's voice floated over to them.

"Hey, I'm all alone over there" Buffy sighed.

"Come on, Dawn." Dawn closed the door behind her and snuggled in next to Buffy on her other side. Buffy smiled, her friends always knew how to make her feel better. She didn't a big speech or anything, all she needed was to know that she was safe, that she wasn't alone.


	8. A visit from the past

**Disclaimer: I don't own any Buffy or Angel characters, that honor belongs only to Joss Whedon.**

8

Buffy sat on the end of her bed, staring blankly at the television screen, none of the images registering in her mind. She was alone once again. Dawn and Willow had gone out to shop, leaving Buffy to her thoughts. There was a small 'poof' next to her and Buffy turned to find herself face to face with Anya.

"Anya!" she yelped. Before she could process the situation, she grabbed Anya into a huge, bone-crushing hug.

"Okay, Buffy, I realize I'm dead and all, but ow" Buffy got up of the bed, eyes quickly narrowing, with suspicion.

"You aren't The First, are you?"

"No, and I have the bruises from that hug to prove it." Confusion swiftly gained the upper hand on the rest of Buffy's emotions.

"Then, what are you?"

"I'm Anya, remember? God, I mean, I know we weren't best friends, but I was hoping you would at least remember who I was."

"No, I know who you are, I just mean, _what_ are you?" Anya got up of the bed and started to look through Buffy's mini-fridge.

"I'm a messenger of sorts, The Powers That Be interrupted my after-life to come and tell you something." Turning to face Buffy, she added;

"Do you have any peanuts? Heaven's great, but I mean, come on, spring for some fresh peanuts."

"Wait, what message?" Buffy asked. Anya sighed.

"So, no peanuts?" Irritated, Buffy crossed her arms, and gazed at her old friend.

"Fine" Anya consented, "The Powers That Be wanted me to warn you about a coming threat"

"The Morha demon, I know"

"No, not the Morha demon, something else."

"But I had a dream. . ."

"I should have known. Buffy, believe me, the Morha demon isn't a factor here, your subconscious probably recognized the coming danger and all your dreams about that day with Angel probably just confused you. There is a battle coming, one that you can't fight in."

"Why not? And how do you know about my dreams about Angel?" Anya cocked an eyebrow, giving Buffy her best _you're-kidding-right?_ expression.

"Honestly, Buffy, I'm a messenger for The Powers That Be; they give me all the juicy details on everyone. And you can't fight because it's not your battle. You've done enough; it's up to Angel and Spike to save the world this time."

"But I want to help them. I can't just stand back and watch the men I love die."

"You have to, Buffy, the world needs you, and they can't have you if you keep rushing into battles where you don't belong." The air around Anya crackled with an odd intensity and Buffy was struck with the sudden realization that her friend wasn't the same person anymore; she was more, much more. She was whole, finished. The Anya that Xander had always seen her as.

"Buffy, there are bigger things in this world for you then just battles. You can't always be the hero; something is going to change soon, something big and you can't take such big risks anymore."

"But I'm the Slayer; I have to take risks. . . ." Anya's face hardened.

"Buffy, listen to me, this isn't something you can fight. This battle wasn't made for you. If you go into this fight, you are not only endangering your life but the lives of all those that you love." All the air seemingly went out of Buffy and she had a curious empty look.

"Anya, I've lost them too many times already." Anya, examining her friend, took pity on her and said;

"Look, Buffy, I'm not supposed to tell you this, but this choice you have to make, you don't have to worry about it, fate will take care of it."

"What?" Anya spoke slowly, enunciating every word carefully,

"You, don't, have . . . . ." Buffy cut her off.

"I know what you said, I just don't understand."

"I shouldn't be telling you this, If The Powers find out . . . ." Anya trailed off, the warning very real in her tone.

"Anya, please," Anya exhaled loudly, giving in.

"Fine, but this only because I know that if I don't tell you, you'll either start crying or beat the crap out of me, and I'm not comfortable with either of those." Anya sighed again,

"Okay, see, in this upcoming battle, many will fall, and either Spike or Angel will fall with them." Tears sprang unbidden into Buffy's eyes.

"But I can't lose them again"

"Hello, were you listening? You won't lose both of them, only one and you get an out of that big life-altering decision you've been stressing about. Plus whoever dies will leave you something huge."

"Wait, what?" Anya winced, realizing what she had just said.

"Oh crap, I'm in trouble now. Maybe I should go." Before she could disappear, Buffy grabbed her arm.

"Anya, what aren't you telling me?"

"I can't Buffy, I'm sorry, there's only so much I can say. If I say too much it can affect the whole future. I wish I could say more, but I can't." Anya turned to leave, but turned back once more to add;

"Buffy, I know I didn't help you much here, but if you could do something for me. . . . Can you just tell Xander I love him and that I miss him?" Buffy nodded through her tears,

"Of course, he misses you too, you know?" Anya nodded, her eyes too, filling with tears.

"I know" Without another word, Anya started to slowly fade from view, losing shape and color until she was nothing more than a hazy shapeless form and then she was gone. Buffy stared at the spot where she had last stood; attempting weakly to process everything she had just learnt, when the phone ringing burst into her half-conscious state. Buffy moved over to it,

"Hello?" she answered. A crisp British accent exploded into her ear, Giles.

"Oh, Buffy thank God, I've been looking everywhere for you"

"What's up Giles?"

"I found something" Buffy was intrigued.

"What did you find?"

"I think I should show you in person. How long are you going to stay in L.A?"

"I don't know, are you coming down?"

"I'll be on the next plane over."

"Giles, what Big Bad is coming now?"

"Actually, for once, this is a good thing."


	9. Is this the End?

9

Willow, Dawn, Buffy, Angel, Spike and Giles were gathered haphazardly in Angel's office. Willow and Dawn sat on a couch, on either side of Buffy, unconsciously saving her from deciding which of the vampires she would sit with. It was a small gesture, but welcome nonetheless. Spike was perched on the arm of another couch, Angel leaned against the wall and Giles paced, nervously, every so often removing and cleaning his glasses. Finally, Buffy had had enough.

"Giles, I swear, if you keep doing that you won't have anything left to clean" Giles looked up, perhaps realizing for the first time what he was doing.

"Right, well, as I told Buffy on the phone, I've found something, I couldn't bring it with me because, quite frankly, I didn't think it would make the trip"

"What is it?" Dawn asked, gazing at the older British man with the same expression that the rest of the Scooby gang had adopted when dealing with the Watcher, attentive but with a hint of impatience.

"A document, it seems to be a prophecy. I don't know why I haven't heard of it before now; actually it seems no one has, it seems to be a lost prophecy and well, it concerns you, Buffy."

"Concerns me? Like mentions me by name?" Buffy asked, listening intently.

"Well, no, that would be quite impossible, no, if my memory serves, it says; 'A Slayer shall come, one that has embraced the face of death and of resurrection. A Slayer unlike any other, she will bestow upon the earth, a gift of unimaginable proportions, an overwhelming army of good. This Slayer will know the love of not one but two ensouled vampires, this love shall not last, as one of the vampires shall fall, strong in battle, and will bestow upon the Slayer a gift, known only once before. A gift that will change the face of the Earth.'" Here, Giles paused, gauging his listener's reactions. Buffy, looking thoughtful, exclaimed, half to herself.

"So this is what Anya meant" All eyes turned to her.

"Anya, isn't she . . . ." Angel began.

"Dead, yes" Buffy confirmed.

"So, does this mean the First is back?" Willow asked, fear flooding into her features.

'No, she wasn't part of the First, I could touch her. She said The Powers That Be sent her and she said . . . . She said there was a battle coming, one that I couldn't fight in, that I had to leave it to Spike and Angel and that one of them wouldn't make it."

"Did she mention anything about this gift they would bestow on you?" Giles asked, sitting down on the other arm of the couch that Spike was on.

"Yeah, kind of, she let it slip that whoever died would leave me something, something huge."

"But she didn't say what?"

"No, she was upset that she had let that much out. That wasn't what the Powers sent her for."

"What did they send her for?" Dawn piped up.

"To warn me that there was a big battle coming and that I couldn't fight in it, that it wasn't my battle and if I did fight, that I would be endangering mine and the lives of everyone close to me." Everyone looked thoughtful for a moment until Spike spoke up,

"Well, that's it then. We can't risk Buffy's life, she has to leave." Buffy's eyes widened in disbelief. Angel, from the corner, put in;

"I agree." For a second, it seemed as though Buffy would explode from disbelief.

"Okay, wait, what?" Angel and Spike exchanged glances, obviously mentally arguing over who would answer her, Angel won.

"Look, Buffy, if The Powers don't want you in this, then you can't be here." He said quietly.

"Since when do I _ever _do what other people want?"

"Buffy, this is different, we've all lost you too many times to count, the world needs you for something bigger and you can't risk your life by rushing blindly into battles where you don't belong." Angel pressed his point and moved closer to her, his eyes blazing with the infallible strength Buffy had always loved about him, now though it only annoyed her as she realized he wouldn't back down. Spike spoke up, quietly;

"You know, Luv, if you don't leave, we can use force, even you can't stand up against me and peaches over there." Buffy couldn't see Spike's downcast eyes so she couldn't tell if he was joking or serious. She decided to heed his warning, but gave one last feeble defense.

"Look, guys, I've died twice before, what's to say I won't come back again?" Giles' smooth accent cut into her argument like a knife.

"The prophecy" Buffy's brow creased with confusion.

"Excuse me?"

"The prophecy." The Watcher repeated, "It mentioned a Slayer that has embraced the face of death and resurrection twice, not three times, twice." The Slayer, in an instant, realized she was outnumbered; this was a fight she was not going to win. In the same moment, an overwhelming sense of grief swept through her, she had lost both vampires before but they had always come back, this time they wouldn't and there was nothing Buffy could do about it. Dawn, sensing her surrender and all the other emotions floating just beneath the surface, quickly grabbed her sister by the elbow and lifted her to her feet.

"I think it's time that we leave" her tone was full quiet confidence and everyone sensed it. Once on her feet, Buffy removed her arm from her sister's grip and moved over to where Spike and Angel stood, side by side. She laid a warm hand on either of their faces and smiled sweetly, forgoing a long-winded speech that would do nothing but make her departure even harder, she told them the only thing that she knew in her heart to be true.

"I love you, both of you and I'm sorry I can't be here to help you." Spike spoke, "You're always here, Pet" Angel finished Spike's train of thought, seamlessly.

"You're the reason we fight" Buffy smiled, despite all their fighting, in the end they were very much the same man.

"Okay, guys, enough with the sappy, I'm the verge of barfing here" Dawn said, from behind them, breaking the tension with child-like innocence. Still smiling, Buffy dropped her hands and walked out of Angel's office doors, a hundred years older than the first time she had entered them, just days ago.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To Be Continued . . . . . . .


	10. One last dream

Caution: The following chapter is pure, unadulterated happy crap. Please do not read if you are a cynic/pessimist. 

10

Buffy sat on the couch in her small living room back in Rome, worrying a thread loose from the arm of it. She couldn't stop thinking that this wasn't where she belonged; she was never one to sit on the sidelines during a battle and this was killing her. Willow came into the room and leant against the doorframe, staring at her old friend and clutching a cup of tea. Buffy jumped as the Wicca spoke, betraying her inattentiveness, Giles would have scolded her for not being on her guard, Willow just comforted her.

"Still worrying?" she asked, moving slightly closer. Buffy's eyes were rimmed red, from crying and lack of sleep. Her newest tendency to just pick at her food, was taking its toll and her cheekbones were beginning to take on a distinct Spike-like quality. They had been back from L.A for over a month and Buffy had yet to sleep more than two hours a night or eat more than a meal per day. Buffy's tone had adopted a slightly frantic, panicked undercurrent, unnerving Willow.

"I'm not worried." Buffy lied quickly. Willow cast a suspicious glance at the arm of Buffy's couch, which was close to tatters. Offering Buffy the cup of tea, she sat down next to her best friend.

"Sure" Willow laughed quietly. She sneaked a furtive smile as Buffy sipped her tea. Unbeknownst to Buffy, Willow had slipped some calming herbs into her tea, nothing huge, just something to help Buffy sleep. The Slayer drained her tea and almost immediately her eyes began to droop. She smiled weakly, apologetically at Willow.

"I'm sorry, Will, I . . . . ." Buffy trailed off and Willow waved her excuse away.

"Don't worry about it, Buff" But even before Willow had finished speaking, Buffy's head drifted down to meet the half-ravaged arm of the couch, her breath coming in short, even increments. Willow smiled. _Finally_ she thought. Doing her best to avoid making any noise, Willow went to the linen closet and removed a blanket and pillow. The pillow, she laid carefully under the sleeping Slayer's head and she covered her gently with the blanket. Buffy, oblivious to this, was already on her way to dreamland.

_Buffy sat in a giant field of white flowers, the snow-white blanket stretching as far as the eye could see, and even further still. She toyed with one of the flowers in her lap, gently removing each petal in the childish game of 'He loves me, He loves me not'. Looking down, Buffy saw a dark shadow form against the paleness of the sun-tinted flowers. Looking up, she saw Angel, bruised and battered and in obvious pain. Buffy_ _got to her feet quickly and raced over to him, catching him as he fell. His dark clothes were ripped and bloodied and his face was no different, Buffy could barely recognize her first love. Buffy sat, cradling Angel's head in her lap and the blood seeping from his many wounds quickly stained her white clothing, she didn't notice though, only focused entirely on him. She ripped a swath of fabric from the bottom of her skirt and began to dab at his face with it, attempting to clean up as much blood as possible._

"_Angel, what happened?" she asked, still mopping up his blood. Angel smiled weakly, before wincing in pain._

"_I tried to go up against something even the Slayer couldn't fight" The worry, evident on Buffy's face was joined by concern, not only for Angel but for everyone._

"_The big battle, what happened?" Angel saw her expression through his pain and hastily attempted to soothe her._

"_Don't worry, we won, at least, I think we won. It's just, I didn't come out looking too good" He gestured weakly at his battered frame and winced once more._

"_Try not to move, it'll only hurt more." She took a breath and kept dabbing gently at his wounds before continuing._

"_So, what happened?" Angel swallowed hard, deciding how to phrase his answer._

"_It was bigger than we thought; it was bigger than anything I've ever faced before. It . . . . ." Angel trailed off, the memory of too much blood shed still too fresh, Buffy noticed this and swiftly changed the subject._

"_How did you find me here?" A real smile graced Angel's battered face._

"_I always know where you are, Buffy" Angel grimaced, realizing how ominous his words sounded and quickly said;_

"_What I mean to say is that; I have my sources" Realizing this was no better than his last comment, he winced. Buffy had to laugh._

"_Angel, you've been in the intimidating business for too long, I understand what you mean though." The vampire smiled in relief and Buffy felt an irresistible tug at her heartstrings._

"_I love you, you know that, right?" he asked. Buffy grinned._

"_Of course, everyone loves me, it's impossible not to" Angel didn't return her smile, his face solemn and brooding. Definitely not new territory for him._

"_And I'm sorry, I hurt you so much, that's not what I wanted at all. It was just so hard, with the curse and all but I couldn't help myself." _

"_It's alright, Angel, those wounds have long since healed." _

"_But not that day in L.A, the one I made you forget" Buffy's smile faltered an inch, before resuming its regular if not normal position._

"_No, not that one. That one's still fresh and bloody and oozing all over the place, but it'll heal. They always do"_

"_Not this one" Angel murmured, so quiet, Buffy wasn't sure she was meant to hear it. Still in obvious pain, Angel raised his head to gaze into Buffy's eyes._

"_Look, Buffy, I'm sorry, I tried. We could have been together, we could have found some way to make it work, some way to get rid of the loophole and I'm sorry, I wasn't strong enough." Confusion was etched into every line of Buffy's face. _

"_Angel, what's going on?" Angel leant towards her and kissed her gently on the lips. He got up slowly, gingerly and walked away from Buffy, never taking his eyes off of her._

'_I love you' he mouthed once more. Before Buffy's eyes, Angel was shot through with a powerful white light; it engulfed him, hiding him from Buffy's view. Suddenly, two lights ricocheted off of him and speared Buffy, one through her stomach, one through her heart and he was gone._

Buffy woke up with a start as the doorbell shocked her out of her unconscious state. "I got it" she called sleepily to Willow, who was puttering around in the kitchen. She swiftly crossed the small space between the living room and the front door. Buffy swung the door open, not knowing what to expect. Spike stood just outside her doorframe, head bowed, crystal blue eyes brimming over with tears.

"Buffy, I'm sorry."


	11. In my dreams

A/N: This is it, the final chapter, thanks to all of you who followed this story and I apologize for the long wait, I had a bunch of other stuff to work on. So enjoy and review, review, review.

11

Buffy, Willow, Dawn, Giles and Spike were all gathered into Buffy's small living room. The Slayer had her head in Spike's lap and he was absent-mindedly stroking her hair. Giles was pacing and explaining hurriedly.

"So, the prophecy was right, but then, what could this gift mean?" Buffy laid a hand softly on her belly. She knew then, with perfect certainty what the gift was. It all made sense, the dreams of her pregnancy beforehand, her dream just as Angel . . . . . Buffy swallowed hard, she bring herself to say it, she couldn't bring herself to even think that she would never see Angel again. She was different, now, ever since her last dream, she wasn't simply _she,_ she was _they. _

"I know what the gift is" she murmured, softly, unsure if anyone had even heard her. When everyone turned to face her, she elaborated.

"I'm pregnant." Spike's body stiffened and she raised her head to stare at everyone. Giles was obviously flustered, removing his glasses and furiously wiping them.

"What do you mean?" Dawn asked.

"I'm pregnant. That's what the prophecy meant by 'a gift known only once before'. Robin's mom was a Slayer and she had a baby, don't you see? It all makes sense."

"Buffy, none of this makes sense anymore, how can you say with perfect certainty that the prophecy refers to you bearing a child?" Giles stared, wiping his glasses, almost angrily. Buffy looked down,

"I had a dream." She admitted finally.

"A dream, Buffy, you have been putting too much faith in your dreams lately. Even though you are the Slayer that does not mean that all your dreams are prophetic. The last dream you had only proves my point. You cannot. . . ."

"I can feel it" the Slayer whispered, everyone was instantly silent.

"I can feel it, inside me, like I've become more than one person, I'm not the same, anymore, Giles, I can feel it. Weren't you the one that told me to trust in my feelings?"

"Well, yes, but this is quite impossible, not only does it go against all supernatural rules but those of nature too, it is simply impossible to become pregnant through a dream."

"Well, Giles, since when has impossibility ever stopped me?"

"Well, never but. . . . ." Giles couldn't think of an argument, it was true that Buffy was unlike any other girl or Slayer out there and in fact, nothing was impossible.

"I believe her." Spike cut in, always quick to defend his Slayer. The others bowed their heads, silently accepting the latest twist on the roller coaster ride that was Buffy's life. Buffy smiled softly at her friends.

"Thank you, now, people, please, go away, I'm tired."

"Yup, she's pregnant alright." Dawn muttered and allowed herself to be ushered out of the room along with everyone else. When Spike got up to leave, Buffy stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Where do you think you're going?" Spike motioned to the retreating backs of the other members of the Scooby gang.

"I'm leaving, with them; you said you wanted us people out so you could sleep."

"Since when have I ever considered you a person? Get back here; I need me some Spike-time." Spike grinned widely and snuggled in next to Buffy on the couch.

The sun was shining brightly, brighter then Spike had ever seen. The rolling hilltops around them glittered like emeralds and the sound of children's laughter was in the air.

"Oi," Spike called to the frolicking children.

"Liam, Anne, get back here before your mum has to waddle over there and get you." The dark-haired boy and blonde girl simply stuck their tongues out at him.

"Why don't you come get us, then, hmm?" Liam asked.

"Because I am way too comfortable to get off my arse to go chasing after you boneheads." Liam and Anne burst into giggles at Spike's use of the word 'arse' and Spike could tell that this particular approach wasn't going to work. He rummaged in the picnic basket until he found what he was looking for.

"Oi, niblets, I have a nice chocolate cake here and if you don't hurry up, I'm going to have to eat it all by myself" That sent the kids running towards him. Being the children of a Slayer and a vampire, their running speeds were above average and they were on Spike in a second. Buffy stirred in Spike's lap, rubbing the sleep from her eyes. He turned his attention to her immediately, laying a hand on her large, swollen, pregnant belly.

"You're up." He observed.

"Well, yeah, it could be the screaming or the blatant swearing in front of my children or the bribing and just for the record, I don't waddle." Spike laughed and Buffy forced herself to sit up, arms buckling under the added strain the extra weight put on her.

"I'm sorry, luv, cake?" Buffy wrinkled her nose.

"Not today, one of these little monsters doesn't like chocolate and it's taking it out on me." She glared meaningfully at her stomach and poked at it with a finger. Looking up at Spike, she caught him staring at her.

"What? Do I have sleep drool all over my face?" She wiped at her face with the back of her hand and Spike laughed.

"No, it's just, you look so pretty like this, so happy."

"Yeah, well, I won't be looking pretty or happy in another month" Spike looked thoughtful for a second.

"A month, eh?"

"Well, actually, more like 29 days, 7 hours and 32 minutes" The sunlight bounced off of Spike's bleached blonde hair as he laughed.

"You have a countdown going?"

"Yeah, well, you try gaining like a million pounds, having weird cravings and an almost incessant need to pee, not to mention the constant soccer game being played with my internal organs and see if you don't start a countdown too." Spike surveyed Buffy lovingly, a hint of a smirk on his face. Buffy closed her eyes and leaned her head against Spike's shoulder.

"I am _never _doing this again."

"You said that last time, luv"

"I know" Buffy pouted, "but this time I mean it"

"So, why did you get pregnant again this time if last time was so horrible?"

"Because I wanted to give you a chance to even the score. I see the way you look at Liam and Anne, there's this little glint in your eye that says that you know that you're their dad, but not their father. I wanted you to be able to be a father." Spike smiled, a wave of love washing over him for the remarkable woman sitting next to him.

"But if I'd known it would be twins again, I wouldn't have done it. You ain't worth that kind of pain." Spike forced a look of mock surprise onto his face as Buffy turned to look at him with a smirk on her face,

"I die for you and you tell me I'm not worth the pain of childbirth?"

"Hey, buddy, before we start comparing death stats, check your memory, I've died twice, don't pull that 'I died for you' crap cause it ain't gonna fly" Spike's laugh mingled with Liam and Anne's, who were off running around again.

"Hey, look at it this way, if we ever decide to form a football league, we'll have even sides." Buffy punched Spike in the chest.

"Very funny, wise guy, but you're forgetting, this time it's two girls." Buffy put on a mask of false worry.

"But, oh no, what will poor Liam do with three sisters? We don't want him turning too feminine, do we?" Spike's pride flared to the surface.

"Hell no, no son of mine will turn into a Nancy-boy. He may be the poof's spawn, but he's my son, I'll keep him in line." Buffy laughed, he laugh almost as youthful and happy as her children's.

"So, what about names?"

Spike woke up with a start, clutching a sleeping Buffy in his arms. He looked over at her, smiling. She always looked so peaceful when she was sleeping. Lying back down, he was struck with the sudden thought that for once in his life, everything would be alright.

**The end.**


End file.
